Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
