Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize