I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
