I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
