this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
