he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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