Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
