I faked an abortion last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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