Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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