maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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