Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
