He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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