nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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