how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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