I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
