So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
