my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
