Porn is love you can see.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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