wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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