I think i peed on brittanys purse
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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