I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
