best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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