She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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