you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
