Whoa Z and x make the same sound
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
