you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
