u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
