The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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