Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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