i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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