Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize