I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
40s are totally the cure
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
