His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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