hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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