My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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