Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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