I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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