Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
