Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
