WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
