MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize