I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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