Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
