life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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