Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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