I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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