I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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