I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
