I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize