He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
