did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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