I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Randomize
