I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
