Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
