My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
