New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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