Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
