We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
