I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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