Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
