oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
