we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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