guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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