I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
