It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
