we have pet lesbian snakes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
