is your mom at the bar?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
