Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
