come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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