I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Farmville is her only friend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
