I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
