Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
