I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
