Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize