just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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