I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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