How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
