Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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