my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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