you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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