and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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