I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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