i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
