you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
