I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize