Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
