So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
