It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
