Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
