So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
