all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
