If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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