is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
