after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
