you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He has the fingertips of a God
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