is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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