Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
