youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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