Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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