so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize