Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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