Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
