i would punch a child for taco bell
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
